Teenage Girl Should Never Do – My mother was the first one to notice ‘the change’. We were on a two-day holiday at a resort to celebrate my Bhai’s birthday. I and my brother decided to go to the swimming pool for a water splashing game. I asked mom to accompany us to the pool. The moment I came from the changing room, wearing a swimming costume, I got a long stare. I was just eight and my breasts had begun to develop.
Her hard face looked intimidating, but she smiled slyly to make me comfortable. I had no idea what was about to come. A few months later, I started crying profusely just as I got up from the bed. Completely frightened and scared, I told mom that I peed in red color. I was a kid, just eight and a half. And these were my first periods. In no time, I developed pubic hair. Most of my tops were sleeveless and my peers started making fun of me. I began being called names in school. I remember being teased to death. I became the odd one out at school because of my breasts. Some girls called me GOL GAPPA, some called me MOON MOON Sen. And I don’t want to go about what the boys thought of me.
It was disgusting, this sudden change from a child to an overgrown bumpy girl. I loved playing badminton. And I stopped playing badminton. Playing means jumping and even a slight jump would make my breasts jiggle-wiggle. I don’t know why, I had this feeling that every time I went out; people were not looking at me but at my body, especially the chest part. A nine year old kid with grown up breasts is a rarity!
Perhaps, Mummy observed my low-self esteem levels. Perhaps, she noticed that just after school, I was locking myself into TV every single day. That’s when mom took me to a doctor, who described by problem as precocious puberty, in which the hormonal changes start happening way too early. The doctor put me on a certain medicine, which made me feel even more depressed. It was much later that I found out that these medicines were contraceptives. And I was just nine – just nine!
Although I didn’t mention it to anyone at that time, but yes, I had started feeling the sexual urges very intensely. So much so that it felt weird to think of morality. I would lay my hands on anything sexual and the internet connection provided me with every ‘detail’ that I wanted to know.
I was 14… when I lost my virginity. He was a senior at school. I ‘made love’ to him because I was seriously in love. He made love to me because he had a bet with his friends that he needed to win.
Teenage Girl Should Never Do
Although he passed out from school that very year, his physical absence did nothing to ease my trauma. I felt shattered! ‘I’ allowed myself to get into a relationship at such a young age. ‘I’ allowed myself to get cheated. I was into things that didn’t ‘suit’ my age, and needless to say, my confidence went on a downturn.
Today, I am 20 and every time I see a girl child smudging her face with a lipstick or getting her legs waxed; I say WHY? Why are you robbing yourself of your childhood? Why? You can put that peach lipstick on your lips even at 80, but you won’t ever get to enjoy the ‘innocence’ of childhood again. I know what it means to grow way too early. I have been there, done that, and trust me, I have nothing much to explore.